has christmas lost its sparkle

i dont' think that i have turned into a huge scrooge... well, maybe i have but, christmas is just isn't what it used be and i even have a wee one this time around so, you would think that i would be all into it and for her i am but inside it all seems pretentious and overrated...i like to think that i don't need a holiday to give a gift and to remind people that i care about them...i know christmas is about the birth of Christ and that all the decorating and gifting and eating and shopping and pot-lucks and secret santas and obligatory gift giving and even christmas cards are just man-made extras that you don't really need but, it doesn't seem like you can get away from it and it isn't that i want to totally ditch christmas it just doesn't seem special...maybe it has something to do with the fact that my wee one won't be with me this year or that  i will be chilling in florida for most of my vacation from school or maybe it's because i don't have a special person in my life to spend it with or it could be because i don't have a christmas tree or lights smashed into my tiny apartment or maybe it's because the wee one has already opened most of her presents and i know that there are going to zero presents for me this year...i can't exactly pinpoint the why or if i even need a why to think that christmas is overrated.  i am one of those people who doesn't depend on others for gifts or what i want because no one usually ever gets me anything that i really want [there has been a few exceptions]...so, i am pragmatic about my life and christmas just falls into the same category...rereading this seems depressing and i am not depressed i just don't think building things up in your mind can do anything but disappoint so if i have a great experience in florida or between now and christmas then hey, it's a bonus and i will file it under christmas 2010 but, if not then okay...it can't be worse only different.  yeah, that's me being reactive [instead of proactive] but, i'll let it slide this time...merry xmas