open letter

good evening,

i thought i would write you because if you write it down, especially on the internet, it never goes away and i can re-read this when ever i decide to consider letting you back into my life and hope that i will make the right choice...we have had such good times and that is probably the hardest reason for me to walk away...you have always been there for me to indulge my desires and help me to justify all that i do and all that i choose not to do...you seem to be in my head and understand what i really want, when i want it and that is hard to do...i don't want you any more...not in my head or anywhere...i don't want to be indulged and i can't have everything when i want it and some of the things i choose to do and justify are not what i really need or should even be doing...you are bringing me down and i have to break-up with you and you have to leave...now is my time for action, now is my time for change...i have put off so many things until tomorrow because of you and i just won't do it any more...i mean it...i am officially putting my foot down and will be making a conscience, consorted effort from this moment forth in my life to not listen to you anymore my old friend.  so, as i close this letter i know that you will try to come by again and i will be bringing my "a" game and you will not be included so, go and find someone else to seduce and entice and indulge because your charm no longer works for me.  i know there will be a small twinge of longing but i must not fan the flame so, i will say my good-byes.


goodbye procrastination...be gone forever,

me

harvest day cotton

actually, it's a lifestyle change...get inspired

okay i am usually the first person to have some problem with a diet....it is not sustainable, it does not work, it is frustrating, it is temporary...well, at work there are about 20 people on a diet and i was seeing results in them and started just asking what they were doing...long story short i ended up with a business card, my cell phone and an appointment almost 8 weeks ago...skeptically i went, not sure what to expect...after an ekg, blood tests, a battery of questions that ranged from why was i there to what was my smallest weight in the last ten years, 2 hours with a nutritionist, 2 bottles of pills and $125 i was done and walking out the door...it was like nothing i had ever heard before...i thought to myself, hell you're not getting any younger and  it's either now before gravity strikes even more or never, live with it and deal with it...so, i decided i was all in...see, here's another thing about me; i am an all or nothing kind of person...so, cheating is not an option and having just a little doesn't work when you really like food so, again, i am all in and ready for this change in my eating lifestyle to take place...

the first key is protein...didn't know you are actually supposed to eat half of your weight in grams of protein a day...and if you are eating that much protein along with veggies on a calorie counted diet' it doesn't leave much room for sweets or wasted calories...try cliff builder bars, met rx meal replacement bars, titan bars, detour low carb bars, and muscle milk light bars...they are my lifesavers during the week and at work m-f...keeps me in my calories with extra protein and gives me time to use my lunch hour for something besides eating

second...water...actually this is the part i suck on...but so far the percentage of my body that is water 39% is right on target so, i guess i don't suck as bad as i think i do

thirdly it was mathematics...at the weight i started at i could eat 1950 calories per day and not gain or lose weight....so on a 1200 diet i have a 750 calorie deficit a day X a month = 18 lbs the first month which also equals SWEET! X another month = 10 more and that's about 30 lbs in two months with diet and a bit of exercise

fourth...add exercise; i have been playing basketball on my lunch breaks on monday, tuesday and wednesday and boxing the heavy bag at home two or three times a week...this has been for this second month...the first month was just a change in food

***note to self:  running 5 miles = a 500 calorie deficit...but, only 500 calories...just eat less and do some exercise that is lower impact on the knees***also, for every pound you lose it is 5 pounds of pressure off your knees...so glad to be down 125 lbs of pressure on my aching knee ***


ANYONE THAT IS INTERESTED IN THIS TYPE OF DIET EMAIL ME AND I WILL GIVE YOU THE INFORMATION I GOT FROM MY DOCTOR...IT IS EASIER THAN YOU THINK AND I FEEL GREAT...HAVE A BUNCH MORE TO LOSE BUT THAT'S OKAY I THINK IT'S ACTUALLY GOING TO WORK THIS TIME BECAUSE THERE ARE SO MANY THINGS I CAN EAT.

alive entropy

entropy

entropy is defined among other things as a doctrine of inevitable social decline and degeneration and a measure of disorder or randomness in a closed system...synonyms for the word include destruction, collapse, decline, decay...it was a word that a former professor of mine attributed to an artist named Robert Smithson...he was consumed with the idea of entropy and he saw it everywhere, especially in nature [see "Spiral Jetty", if you are interested in Smithson]...and all of a sudden so was i...i always thought my father had this morbid fascination with death, especially his...we spent part of one of my childhood vacations visiting his tombstone and posing next to it for a family portrait of which i decided to skip out of...this being said i guess as an adult i get it more...he has a lifelong, debilitating illness, he constantly thinks about his soul and where it will go when his life is over and doesn't allow himself much time for other things in his thoughts...so, i can kind of see where he was coming

as for me... from my inception of this entropy into my world; now i see the decline, destruction and decay everywhere...some of that entropy makes me sad; for example, when a great building gets torn down in the name of progress or some shotty strip mall...some entropy makes me angry; for example, when i see the decline in society as represented by many of my students and their parents....some entropy i find frustrating because of the need for order in my world and for some entropy i find it to be beautiful; for example...

i know it is the burned out corner of some random house...but, walking among these modern ruins and seeing all the different shades of grays, browns and blacks was beautiful...it was a lucky stumble upon as four weeks after photographing the last evidence of the existence of this house it was leveled and the area all around it cleared for the building of a new church.

i see beautiful decay in many places...entropy is everywhere

too long

it seems like forever since i had the time to sit down and write...time is a relative thing.  i remember being a kid and it seemed like the days til christmas took forever and the summer lasted five months long...now it seems like i can blink and a couple months have gone by...happily i report that i am half way done with grad school...i have dropped almost thirty pounds...my job is swimming along and 2012 is speeding its way here....crazy...i cannot believe that 2011 is almost gone and i am headed full-steam into my 40's (suck)