in your wake

i was called a pessimist today....i know i have the tendency to be pessimistic but, i like to think that i am pragmatic...i guess i tend to be realistic about things with a cynical slant to it because half-empty is half-empty...let's not kid ourselves with the half-full bullshit.  i have been feeling sorry for myself these days because of my loss of friends and that is a sore subject...and of course that's what started the pessimistic conversation and then it went into my lack of having a job and another sore subject and wow i guess i can be a huge pessimist but, things aren't always rosy and it is easy for you to say things aren't what they aren't...because you haven't lost anything...you still have your life, your wife, your daughter, your jobs, your friends and everything else you want...you don't have to live in the wake of you...or the loss of you...in my world it is year 4 AR....and i have been living in the shadow of the number you did on my heart and my head...and really i just need to get out and get some friends...first of all making friends has never been easy for me...sure i know a bunch of people and i can talk to anyone but, most importantly, i am not the kind of person that lets that many people into my life, my head, my id, my heart...most people aren't worth the trouble or the time...they usually have motives...and maybe that was your idea of a pep talk and your way of making me not take my life so seriously but, today wasn't a good day for that and i think that it made me just feel worse