tomorrow is the day

tomorrow is the day ... the point of no return ... the day that i will forever become an altered version of myself... today all i am allowed is water and broth ... i believe i could actually eat my arm today for real... there is a part of me that is worried about my love affair with food ... will i be able to change my brain ... in a "food is fuel and not your friend" sort of way ... last night i dreamed about food all night ... it was embarrassingly terrible ... how can i fight my nature or my habits when it comes to the food ... plus i have to add exercise in and i am so out of shape right now ... i wish it was 2 years down the road and all this hard stuff was past and ... but, it's not ... everyone is really supportive but this is a personal fight that is going to be hard as hell and as much as i am ready, i am worried as well

i hate being bad at anything ... i mean i would rather not do something than suck at doing something .... i have to at least be in the middle or mid to high range of skill level when doing something ... even if it is something i just did for the first time ... this chapter of my life is no different and i know that sleeve surgery is supposed to be a tool and the rest of it lies in my decisions ... i want to succeed and lose the weight and get healthy and work out and do this thing ...i know it's one day at a time but my instant gratification personality is having a hard time with this one ...