happy days of snow

i officially love snow days...it makes you feel like a kid again...actually when i was a tiny kid you could take your snowsuit and sled to school for recess and that was awesome...nobody but a northerner understands that...i have been below the mason dixon line so long i am used to seeing an inch of snow and getting the day off of school...hell, i remember in louisiana we got to just get up and go outside when someone actually saw a snow flake fall because there were kids in my class that had never ever seen a flake their whole lives...i just couldn't believe that...but, i have had the whole day off today for 3 inches of snow....nice :)  so i have been reading, writing, getting ahead on school work, playing with my wee one, listening to music, cooking and about to watch how to train your dragon...nice day....hopefully it will refreeze so we can have snow day #2.

football...not for the fans anymore

i lucked out and got offered NFL tickets last week…i didn’t really care who was playing or who won the game but i was super excited because the colts were playing and that was my wee one’s favorite team and she’s never been to a professional football game before…initially I thought the only downside would be a late night on a school night and the fact that it was about thirty degrees outside and she might be cold…little did i know what was in store for us.

see, the hometown team bills buying tickets and season passes as a great event for you and your whole family and how wonderful supporting the home team would be… that is complete and total bullshit
first of all, there is absolutely no parking anywhere near the stadium unless you have a parking permit for specific parking lots…so, if i was one of the chumps that bought psl’s and season tickets i would also have to fork out for a parking pass…and i guarantee the lots closer to the stadium are way more expensive then the parking lots that are about a half mile away…and if you go to their website for good directions they actually direct you to those lots but fail to mention that you need a parking pass to park there.
so, that left us trying to find a place to park…i actually saw a business charging $40 bucks to park and it was almost a mile from the stadium…most spots were $20 bucks…hell no, free tickets or not, i am not forking $20 for parking…so we found a $10 lot but had to hoof it about two and a half – three miles to the stadium
then you get there but, you are not sure if your tickets are on the east side or the west side of the stadium and we entered the wrong side but, that’s do-able…of course your kid is “so hungry” and really, really needs to stand in the huge line to pee…and then the hike up to the upper tier of the stadium and after getting there almost two hours early we were walking up to our seats during the kick-off.
my seats had a good view for where we were…twenty yard line…it was getting cold up there…the wee one had on two socks, two pants, two shirts, a scarf, gloves, a fleece, a hat and both blankets…and she was still bitchin by the fourth quarter…so, we started to leave with ten minutes left and we saw a bunch of taxis lined up so i decided we would grab a cab back to our parking garage…they want $25 to drive me 3 miles…hell no, again so, we hoofed it back three miles and 42 steps up to the top of the parking garage…needless to say, the wee one wasn’t cold any more…lol

if i had bought those tickets 75.00 each + parking + food + a souvenir + gas = $200 for a night out with the wee one…we are a family of 2…multiply accordingly for your family…that’s unrealistic for a family outing…$100 per person; wow.

i was talking about the game with this guy i know a couple of days later and he said he was there…he was in a suite of the 50 yard line…his company had sublet the suite from another company just for that game…they took their sales team and each one of them got to bring one of their best customers…so 20 guys watched the game on the 50 yard line in a sublet suite that cost them $5000 for that game plus they have to have it catered there which cost $4200 [wonder if the food was worth the money…i wish i would have asked him that question] so…they spent $9200 on their 10 customers they bought oh, i mean brought with them…he said that companies usually spend about $60,000 a year on suites like that one…makes me not want to go back…i need to think about what i want my cash to support.

let it snow, let it snow

it is snowing right now as i type and it is fabulous...i am checking the school closings so that i can have an extra day off this week with pay...come to find out teacher wear their pajamas inside out and do snow dances at night before they go to bed...or at least the one's i work with...who knew...every teacher wants snow days!!!!!

'Megamind' Trailer 2

this is a four thumbs ups movie review from me and the wee one...not a huge will ferrell fan but, he is brillant...super funny...go see it!!!

has christmas lost its sparkle

i dont' think that i have turned into a huge scrooge... well, maybe i have but, christmas is just isn't what it used be and i even have a wee one this time around so, you would think that i would be all into it and for her i am but inside it all seems pretentious and overrated...i like to think that i don't need a holiday to give a gift and to remind people that i care about them...i know christmas is about the birth of Christ and that all the decorating and gifting and eating and shopping and pot-lucks and secret santas and obligatory gift giving and even christmas cards are just man-made extras that you don't really need but, it doesn't seem like you can get away from it and it isn't that i want to totally ditch christmas it just doesn't seem special...maybe it has something to do with the fact that my wee one won't be with me this year or that  i will be chilling in florida for most of my vacation from school or maybe it's because i don't have a special person in my life to spend it with or it could be because i don't have a christmas tree or lights smashed into my tiny apartment or maybe it's because the wee one has already opened most of her presents and i know that there are going to zero presents for me this year...i can't exactly pinpoint the why or if i even need a why to think that christmas is overrated.  i am one of those people who doesn't depend on others for gifts or what i want because no one usually ever gets me anything that i really want [there has been a few exceptions]...so, i am pragmatic about my life and christmas just falls into the same category...rereading this seems depressing and i am not depressed i just don't think building things up in your mind can do anything but disappoint so if i have a great experience in florida or between now and christmas then hey, it's a bonus and i will file it under christmas 2010 but, if not then okay...it can't be worse only different.  yeah, that's me being reactive [instead of proactive] but, i'll let it slide this time...merry xmas

dopplerbangers

my new favorite word for the week...actually until i get tired of it so, for a while is dopplerbanger

dopplerbanger :  when the person your banging begins to look like you or you begin to look like each other

every time i say that word it makes me laugh...i will never be a dopplerbanger because i am not narcissistic enough to date someone that looks at all like me...or actually am not attracted to myself sexually...not that i don't think i am attractive but not in that way...okay i just keep sounding stupid-er and stupid-er but, i still stand by the fact that i will not become a dopplerbanger

funny fact:  i did see dopplebangers at lowe's last weekend...both with spiked, short, grey hair, physically in-shape, each in khakis and carrying coffees...so i just smiled and said dopplebangers in my head and when shopping for my pvc...what a strange world we live in sometimes.

question answered

questions answered by opening a random book to a random page and getting a random passage...


The excerpt represents the core issue or deciding factor on which you must meditate, and is drawn from The Illustrious Gaudissart by Honore de Balzac:


products for the infinitely purer elaborations of human intelligence." This requires some explanation.
The general upset of 1830 brought to birth, as everybody knows, a number of old ideas which clever speculators tried to pass off in new bodies. After 1830 ideas became property. A writer, too wise to publish his writings, once remarked that "more ideas are stolen than pocket-handkerchiefs." Perhaps in course of time we may have an Exchange for thought; in fact, even now ideas, good or bad, have their consols, are bought up, imported, exported, sold, and quoted like stocks. If ideas are not on hand ready for sale, speculators try to pass off words in their stead, and actually live upon them as a bird

holy shit batman...how could they figure me out???

okay....i like to dabble in the horoscope...tarot....runes...numerology...readings....etc.  i think it is fun and some times it can be dead on.  like, have you ever looked up in one of those books about the day you were born?  it is kinda scary how those things are kinda right...not, always but in a general sense.  well, one of my good friends who likes to read tarot cards also found this great horoscope website...you can get weekly readings and birth charts...etc  so, i checked it out and it was scary how dead nuts on it was about me when i plugged in my date of birth, time of birth and city of birth.  i don't even know if i want to actually share it with anyone who really knows me because they would then in turn know too much about me.  but, here are a few of the things about me that are spot on...or at least were at one time in my life.  i think things can change with age and wisdom where your natural tendency would be to fall back to yourself but, you live and learn and adapt and change.

• masterful, likes authority, aspires towards an ideal.
• likes to give advice.
• is honest, frank, loyal, open and sincere.
• is sociable, intelligent and lucid.
• is modern, original, inventive, non-conformist and brings new life.
• discusses, deduces and judges. 
• reasons logically and accurately.
• High hopes of love.
• likes to live and satisfy her passions to the full.
• Protects and makes friends with those who can be useful.
• Likes adventure, independence.
• opinionated, with lots of authority and ambition.
• Possibility of a large family.
• systematic, ordered, meticulous.
• A scientific mind
• Well-developed artistic leanings.
• Likes long voyages, things foreign, water.
• likes pleasures, distractions of all sorts.
• expresses herself easily, is a born orator. 
• Very adaptable.
• Successful professional life in great part due to good relationships, friends or patrons.
• She finds love in the circle of friends.
• has a lot of imagination, high ideals.
• Likes studying.
• Looks for a loving and tender partner.
• Income will come either as a result of an advantageous marriage, or by a very useful association.
• looks for refined unproblematic people, with whom to have long discussions, without raised voices of any kind.
• Everything is calculated, the slightest risk analyzed, patience is one of her main qualities
• One or two love affairs, marriage, a family, all unproblematic - done calmly with love and wisdom.
• One of the professions or teaching.
• Marriage with someone who will quickly disappoint. The spouse's lack of energy and vitality will annoy her, and this could lead to the break-up of the marriage. A second, happier one could happen.
• Travel with risk and adventure.
• Sincere and life-long friendships. The family comes first, however.
• intelligent, with quick and lively reflexes. She is preoccupied by her circle, likes to exchange ideas with her friends, but also with strangers. Of an open nature, she goes out to others.
• has a changeable nature.
• A varied love life and a sometimes dubious morality. 
• is a dreamer, with lots of imagination: she likes the Arts.

and i could just go on and on about myself...just kidding...and if you are still actually reading you know alot more about me then you should and all of those things are true...super crazy...go check out your birth chart or at least your daily horoscope. 

my kid is hilarious

i was searching all over for my fingernail clippers...i even had the wee one searching and usually she half-heartily searches [unless of course, it is something she is looking for]...so, i usually have to threaten to make sure she is really looking...so i rechecked where she checked and no clippers...then she started laughing and pulled them out of a stack of my books

i had to ask what was funny and why were they there...she said she had hid them there from me the day before...and i said why?

her answer...i don't know why, it made sense yesterday but, that was yesterday and i can't remember today

wow...her honesty floored me and then cracked me up...in the heat of the moment many things are done that make sense then and only then....people do and say things they can't take back when emotions are high and then it didn't seem so wise later...you ever been in a fight and really can't remember why it started?  i guess we should wait 24 hours before we do anything in the heat of the moment and if we would still do it then it was a wise decision...so much for spontaneity...okay, not everything but, important things.

what's your dirty little secret?

i was reading about this project called postsecret and it was fascinating...and  it ending up being so over whelming popular that he published a book or books, rather, a facebook page, a community, he tweets and has some of the secrets were featured in the 'dirty little secrets' video...the site is still viable...i have been reading people's secrets in his book and like this blog for me it was their outlet to say to someone or anyone what they had kept bottled up inside for so long and at least get it out...then i started thinking about my secrets or my fears or what would i send into this guy so that he could be the only other person who knew my anonymous secret and what does he think about all the things that people send him and how does he choose which ones to post or not or which ones are book worthy or not...

this friend and i would correspond through email, which is actually strange because we saw each other everyday and we would talk everyday but we started sending each other "unknowns" that we didn't know about the other person as a way to learn more about each other and talk on the weekends when we weren't around each other so, every sunday night i would get my unknowns[s] and i would answer back or would have already sent mine and get to read new ones that i didn't know...it was interesting to find out something you didn't know about someone but we actually knew each other...i am not sure about finding out things about strangers...the books are super interesting but i am not sure how much sending that post card actually helps...maybe it really does

some unknowns about me...

•  i anticipated every wednesday evening at 9:12 when you would come out those stairs and sit on the back of the truck with me so much so that i had butterflies in my stomach every time i was driving across town just to see you
• and in fact i still get butterflies when i know you will be somewhere i am about to be even after all these years
• i think my best friend settled
• i have given my heart away and don't know that i really want it back
• i would try to think of intelligent questions to start conversations with a really cute professor just as an excuse to spend time staring...i was way too old to be doing this but didn't really care
• i think a man's sheepish grin is one of the most sexy faces anyone can make
• when i am at my mother's house i use her "fancy towel" that is just supposed to be looked at and not used because i can and i know it'll piss her off
• ever since you, i can't stop noticing birds...they are amazing and they are everywhere
• one of my pet peeves is stickers and i have to have them off of whatever object they are on
• i am so anal retentive about toilet paper rolling toward you and not away from you that i will change it around, even at someone else's house

now you know something about me...more to come later

it happened

it has been a minute since my last post...actually it has been a minute since i have done anything normal...i got the job!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i am so happy to have a teaching gig...wish it was high school but, beggars can't be choosers at this point and i have to believe i am there for a reason.  but, i haven't been able to do anything since i started...i actually spent my labor day in my classroom making lesson plans and trying to keep my head above water as not to drown in the sea of unpreparedness....i just caught up on three weeks of uncrate.com [which is a website i love but, it is blocked at school...which is wise, i guess]...i actually posted one thing on facebook [which i still need to just close down]...and i have cleaned up all the emails sitting in my gmail accounts [is 5 gmail accounts too many?]...i still don't have time to fix my damaged jump drive or do dishes or wash clothes...actually dishes and clothes and cleaning my house were other tasks that invaded my labor day weekend....it seems like those tasks will be relegated to the weekend...as much as i don't want to be poor, i don't know that i really want to work...i mean, i know it is a necessity to pay bills and provide for my wee one but, if i can find a way to set my own hours and enjoy more of my life...what do i really remember about the past three weeks...just that i made sure everything that was due was turned in before it was do...nothing else, did not see friends, spend extra time with the wee one, do any art, ride my bike, go outside....nothing eat, sleep, school and due dates...i have got to get my shit organized....as soon as my finances have bounced back from no j.o.b. this summer...vacation is on....i am going to use every fall break, spring break, long weekend, christmas break, thanksgiving and summer vacation...i mean actually use them and do something so that i won't feel like life is just whizzing by and i haven't had any time to enjoy it or make any memories or do anything...it seems like everything is a blur these days....gotta go for now, promise it won't be so long...gotta schedule in my life somewhere... ;)

another year older...another year wiser [that's my story and i am sticking to it]

so, yesterday was the day...the big 3-9...the last year in my thirties...i was so sure this was going to be another year of mourning...like when i turned 29... but, the hell with it...i don't look 39 so, i will take that consolation prize and start working on this next year of my life.  i have rid my life of a few leaches this past year and there is so much less drama in my life that i should have done that years ago...i have re cemented my relationships with all the key players in my life, save one....i am still mourning my heart's loss of the one i dream about and wish we could find a way to be friends again....i have set my path before me and am working on my three short-term goals [saving money, making art, and getting in shape] ... and i still have my main goal in line...grad school in boston ... i am looking forward to this new year

so, here's the thing...

i found out the day before school started that an art teacher retired...which left a job vacancy...and i should be stoked and yet, i actually don't want to apply for the job...not because i love being unemployed and poor and not so that i can lounge around in self-pity and hear everyone say they are so sorry and not because i am afraid to teach but, because i have been visualizing my future in boston, at grad school, in the snow, getting my master's with my wee one in middle school and that is the life i want...but, the opportunity was put in front of me so, i did apply for the job but, they gave that job away but, there is a half-position job left...which i would like even better...set schedule, could work on art while i teach half-time and half a pay check is way better than no pay check plus i could still see the grad school, snow and boston on the horizon...so, i now am visualizing that job for the next two school years while i work on art, get my portfolio together and head out grad school in boston...

Despicable Me - Trailer 6

this is another movie worth seeing...the wee one said it was okay but, i think it was really funny...the humor was geared for the adult and this adult is not ashamed of watching cartoons so bring it on! so many funny lines...love some steve carell

'The Sorcerer's Apprentice' Trailer HD

the sorcerer's apprentice...two thumbs up from me and the wee one...if you like action and adventure and magic and a good story that is well acted...go see it...it is worth it

backfired

told my daughter that the main reason her dad and i got a divorce was because i hated the thought of her growing up in a household of fighting and yelling...it just didn't seem like the kinda place a kid should be in the middle of [a verbal war zone] because sometimes she would bust out with the mommy and daddy don't fight and she was four and i would feel like shit and i just kept thinking...i just need to graduate so i can get out and i will have a degree and she and i will have the stability of a job...school teacher...everyone needs school teachers...so i tried not to argue around her and to bite my tongue more and be scarce and it worked for the most part and i made it with one semester left until he moved out and on to his next wife...but, it left my sweetie with the feeling that if she just hadn't told us the stop fighting and if she had just sucked it up then we would still be together and it's a third her fault...i tried to shield her from the real reasons we broke up...and she will understand them soon enough i just wish she didn't think it was her fault...

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

i feel so guilty because it has been over a week since i hit the blog and oh so many things have happened mentally and spiritually and in the day to day...so, where to begin...hmmmmmmmmmm...it is the 3rd of august and in three days i am going to be 39 and my birthday is like my new years resolution...i usually take assessment of my life and where i am going or where i am not going and then i try to make a map for the next year...so i have been doing that and thinking about what i want to be doing and where i want to be during the next year...more about that in a few days

i had the most invigorating conversation with my brother on the phone and learned so many things about myself...i am a reactive person and i seem to experience life by what is thrown in my path and let it make me who i am...i don't think this is a bad thing and in fact, i have lived my life this way and it has served me well for the past 39 years but, it is time to take my life by the horns and make a better plan...so i have been working on that...more to come too

i helped with a garage sale from hell but we made almost $500 bucks between that and craigslist so that was good and cleared out a garage...it was worth all the work this summer to get that thing going...but, don't want to have a garage sale any time soon and i have also learned that i am not going to be a pack rat any more...i helped clean and shovel out shit that was ruined or not used because it had been saved way too long...what good is something that you might hypothetically use in 5-10 years or that you are saving for a worthy project...if when you finally get around to using it...either termites have eaten it or it is ruined or the cat peed on it or it fell apart because of age...what happened to that neat thing...nothing, it was stored on a shelf and no one got to use it or see it or anything...i am only going to save a few things that are super important and then just use the rest...

what else...getting old...the big 3-9...going to go to watch roller derby for my birthday...that will be a blast...

new hair color

i have a friend who i babysat for this past weekend so she could go get her hair colored...she went red and is not sure she likes it...but, she told me every time she does anything to her hair it's like an aphrodisiac to her husband and he's super interested all over again...i am pretty sure it's like he's getting to sleep with a new woman while not actually having to cheat on his vows...actually i think it's kinda sweet and kinky all at the same time [note to self:  changing your hair every six months or so in your next relationship might have positive effects]...i have another friend who said he used to change his facial hair...beard, goatee, pork chops, and a handlebar mustache once...his wife told him to grow the beard back because that what she married...not the porn mustache man...i think i would tend to lean more toward "the husband's renewed libido" camp then "the wife's i want the original" back...i think mixing it up would keep it fresh....plus if you are really into someone, it really doesn't matter what they do to their hair on they head or their face they are still hot in their own way.

no, it was not a test

i can't believe you actually asked me if "it was a test"...wow, a test of what...to see how i rank up there on your list of friends?  to see if i still matter to you?  to see if the rules don't apply to me?  [we both know most rules don't apply to me] but, i wouldn't put you in a position to have to challenge the rules you put in place...i am not one of those people who just use you for your stuff and leave when your all used up...or am i?  i think we both know the answer to that...giving you a test now is like kissing someone after you fucked them...i really thought we were past the test phase in our friendship.

did you know????

this is hilarious... i found an old pamphlet that was made up for teachers, parents, doctors and guidance councilors talking about the dangers of sniffing glue that came out in the 1960's it is entitled "sniff...sniff....sniff...your way to ruin!  a brief factual study about glue sniffing" by fred w dies

"doctors report glue sniffers are risking death or serious damage to heart, lungs, brain and other vital body organs in exchange for a few minutes escape into an unreal and often nightmarish world!"

"a regular glue sniffer gets 'the shakes and shivers' when he discontinues use....a novice gains a 'full-blown jag' from one tube of glue, whereas, the veteran user may require five or more tubes to produce a similar effect."

"glue sniffing is capable of producing within the individual ecstatic states beyond all reason and self-control, and wild hallucinations without reference to reality.  along with hashish, marijuana, mescaline, peyote, lsd and other psychedelics, glue sniffing is assigned to the class of drugs known as hallucinogens."

lastly,

"i have been informed that several episodes of homosexual relations have occurred between adults and children under the influence of glue.  some of these sexual perverts are encouraging the children to sniff glue with the intentions of having homosexual relations."

scare tactics are no new thing for government agencies [which put this out]...i don't want to sniff five bottles of glue and see a nightmarish world while being molested by a homosexual so, i promise i won't sniff glue mom...okay i am being harsh but, this is a load of bohemian bat shit

new pet peeve

a huge pet peeve of mine is someone making me feel stupid or insulting my intelligence and this can happen in an instant and without trying to hard....see, i only have to feel like you are challenging my brain and it's on...for instance if i have checked something and rechecked then you go behind me and recheck, yet again...it is on like donkey kong...i know it sounds stupid but, i am intelligent and i know it....okay, that sounded super conceited but, i am pretty conceited or convinced, rather when it comes my brains...now, i don't claim to know everything, although if you ask my father i claimed that many times when i was seventeen but, with age comes the knowledge that there are so many things you can never or will never know or have the time to learn or even really care about knowing...so, i don't know everything and concede that to others...i have a friend to knows engineering, another who knows tons of trivial facts and all about birds, and yet another that knows about everything about jewelery...so i don't claim super genius power...only normal genius power...this being said today...i was insulted by an automated service...and a new pet peeve was born

see...yes, i checked your website and no, it cannot help me and will never be able to help me with this issue that i am calling about today

and yes, i am sure that it is faster than waiting in que, yet again, for another agent that is incompetent but, again the website cannot help me and thank you for telling me how many people are in front of me in que and exactly how many minutes it will take to be served by a human

and yes i know you have an "faq" section on your website and online help with chat but, no i have tried it before and calling in is the only way to remedy this problem

and if i have to say i want an "agent" one more time i think i am going to throw my cell out the window...[oh, wait then i would be in que with sprint trying to get a new phone and that would just cost me $50 bucks]...okay...am trying to calm down before i take these mechanical insults out on the customer service agent that will eventually be answering this phone....i hate automated systems

it's like a person who can't stand the silence and has to fill it with meaningless bullshit that you didn't really want to know or even care about but, they are so uncomfortable without noise they have to keep talking constantly and mindlessly...i wonder if they are the kind of people to lend their voices to be used in the automated systems...that would be a perfectly annoying job for them to have...as annoying in person as they are over the phone....maybe that job would make you happy if you were sadistic enough to know just how insulting you were being to people...but, most of those kind of people don't think they are annoying

to grad school or not??

i have not been able to find a job all summer and public school here is about to start back august 3rd....so, what to do??? i guess i need to get a job anywhere that will hire me and then what....do i keep searching for a teaching job in the area?  do i keep searching for teaching jobs out of the area?  do i keep substitute teaching while looking for a job in or out of the area?  do i save money so i can move?  and if i move...why and where?  do i pursue grad school?  i have narrowed my list to seven grad schools but am i too old to think about grad school?  plus every grad school is far away...so back to saving money to move?  can i really afford grad school?  how hard is grad school with a middle schooler?  and let's say i get my master's...after that what am i going to do? am i going to be right back here wondering what to do? or not having a job?
...being a grown up sucks sometimes...

scissor sisters

the scissor sisters just released a new album entitled "night work"...the cover is a photograph by the late, great robert mappelethorpe which in itself should elude to the more hardcore edge the group is trying to bring to this album, the lyrics and their music...i have purchased and listened to this album [and i am going to give a shameless plug to the emusic service which i subscribe to and use and think is absolutely wonderful...you should give it a try they have so much music and the prices are way reasonable] any way, i enjoyed the album...granted i was born and grew up in the 70's and went to middle and high school in the 80's so disco and electronic dance music are things i enjoy listening to and i am not offended by sexual innuendo and in fact i am pretty much a bit of a perv...plus in my clubbing days i frequented all the good gay bars as they had the best music, drugs and women...so if you want some edgier lyrics and something to dance to go get it...or if your not sure...give it a listen but i guarantee it will make you wanna dance.

milwaukee art museum

i had the pleasure of going through the milwaukee art museum all alone on my vacation...it was peaceful and beautiful and serene and i got to go at my own pace and incidentally i ended up going through the exhibits backwards...i saw a donald judd and a robert smithson and went crazy and proceeded to be mesmerized by the contemporary sculpture and finally ended up back around in the greek, roman and egyptian art sections at the end...usually you are taught art history in a forward progression and you try to see the way different movements influenced or reacted to each other...this way was interesting to see contemporary first and so on...and a big bonus was that this museum lets you take pictures of their permanent collections as long as you don't use your flash...i took 350 pictures there alone....heaven, i was in art/photographers lovers heaven....plus they have great artists and works that i haven't seen before...oh, you spend your whole life studying these pieces but, to see them in the flesh...i just love travelling.

decluttering

something has been going on in the ole brain or heart...i am just feeling different and i can't exactly put my finger on it...maybe it has something to do with turning 39 in a few weeks or because i now have my maiden name back or because my ex husband got married this week or because my friends have bailed and i don't really have many left or because i have 2 degrees and i can't find a teaching gig and maybe i should try grad school...but, i feel like i am on the verge of a transformation of sorts and decided to clean out the email inboxes today as step one...i have four different email accounts and i just love my gmail because you can have so much space and you can keep email after email but, do i really need emails from 2005, 2006, 2007, 2008, or even 2009...no, no i don't...okay well a few of them that are sentimentally important or that have passwords or important info...but, i don't know that i want to relive the past through my emails and remind myself of all the shitty, one-sided friends i have had and how many daily horoscopes do i really need...i think i unsuscribed from atleast 20 bullshit emails...my biggest account went from using 15% down to using 5% and i could probably throw out a bunch more but not tuday...decluttering my cyber life feels good and i want it to spread to decluttering every aspect of my life...quality over quantitiy...i need to learn to be happy with what i do have and quit mourning what i have lost...quit living in the past and start living in the present/future...here's to change

gastric bypass

my dad asked me how much i thought it would cost to have gastric bypass surgery and had i ever thought about having the surgery...i can't say that it hasn't crossed my mind but, then there are so many things to contemplate...i have a friend who swears by it and she has lost the weight of an entire other person she was carrying around and kept if off for the past bunch of  years...here are the problems i see with the whole thing

1. i don't think that there is enough research to see the long term effects of this procedure
2. i don't want a bunch of flappy skin that is just hanging around because of the speed of the weight loss vs. the amount of exercise done
3. i feel like it's a cop-out
4. if i only ate 4 bites of food three times a day i would be skinny too
5. how do you get enough nutrients in your body?
6. what if i can't eat my favorite foods later?
7. i like meat and most people can't eat meat after the surgery...i would miss a good steak

does all that sound like me trying to talk myself out of a good idea?  i just don't know what to think about this...sure i would like to have a better looking body and more energy...i really like the rest of myself just fine and i don't know if this is just the right way to do this...except i am not getting any younger...i just don't know...anybody got some insight they would like to share???

RSA Animate - The Secret Powers of Time

i know this is all over the net and youtube but, wow i have watched it at least six or seven times so far and i take something new away each time and then if you read some of the comments left on youtube the generation being created is just fucked....they don't have a chance in the world i was brought up in and the world i work in...this is one of those brillant and scary things that you should think about...more to follow

the amish on vacation

okay, i know everyone is the same and people are just people and we should not single out a group because that just leads to a slippery slope of bigotry and ignorance but....i just didn't think about the amish, as a people, going on vacation...okay, that may sound stupid but, they were all lined up at this farm i went to for a tour and maybe it was an educational, fact-finding mission to find out more about different types of farming but, it wasn't something i expected to see that day


f.y.i. ...
about the amish from the website:  http://www.religioustolerance.org/amish.htm

The Amish movement was founded in Europe by Jacob Amman (~1644 to ~1720 CE), from whom their name is derived. In many ways, it started as a reform group within the Mennonite movement -- an attempt to restore some of the early practices of the Mennonites.

The beliefs and practices of the Amish were based on the writings of the founder of the Mennonite faith, Menno Simons (1496-1561), and on the 1632 Mennonite Dordrecht Confession of Faith. The Amish who split from Mennonites generally lived in Switzerland and in the southern Rhine river region. During the late 17th century, they separated because of what they perceived as a lack of discipline among the Mennonites.

Some Amish migrated to the United States, starting in the early 18th century. They initially settled in Pennsylvania. Other waves of immigrants became established in New York, Illinois, Indiana, Iowa, Missouri Ohio, and other states

The faith group has attempted to preserve the elements of late 17th century European rural culture. They try to avoid many of the features of modern society, by developing practices and behaviors which isolate themselves from American culture.

James Hoorman writes about the current status of the Amish movement: 

"In America, the Amish hold major doctrines in common, but as the years went by, their practices differed. Today, there are a number of different groups of Amish with the majority affiliated with four orders: Swartzengruber, Old Order, Andy Weaver, and New Order Amish. Old Order Amish are the most common. All the groups operate independently from each other with variations in how they practice their religion and religion dictates how they conduct their daily lives. The Swartzengruber Amish are the most conservative followed by the Old Order Amish. The Andy Weaver are more progressive and the New Order Amish are the most progressive."

Membership in the Old Order Amish Mennonite Church and other Amish denominations is not freely available. They may total about 180,000 adults spread across 22 states, including about 45,000 in Ohio and smaller numbers in Illinois, Indiana, Pennsylvania, New York, etc. About 1,500 live in south-western Ontario, in Canada.

Almost all members are born into and raised in the faith. Converts from outside of the Amish communities are rare. Some Amish groups have a very restricted gene pool and are experiencing several inherited disorders.

changing my name...i don't remember it being this hard

so, i have spent the past three days trying to officially change my name back to my maiden name...okay, let me just say, that i do not remember it being so hard to change it to my married name...everyone was so congratulatory and willing to change it with a smile and now i am faxing my divorce decree all over the world and people keep telling me they are sorry...i am so not sorry and i am so glad to have my name back....but, i just didn't realize how many things i was going to have to change...drivers license, social security number, checking account, savings account, internet account, ebay, paypal, electric company, voters' registration card, all my bills that are directly withdrawn and why does everyone want my divorce decree???  i figured a new drivers license and social security card would trump and fix everything else...wrong and then everyone wants to know if i want to change my email address because my email has a derivation of my name in it...hell, i didn't even think about changing that too because that just seems like too much of a hassle...like this whole thing isn't a hassle...i wish i had never changed my name in the first place

Jason Derulo - Ridin' Solo (Official Video in HD)

i love this song...see i fluctuate between this feeling and the last post...oh, i wish you could just compartmentalize your heart but, that might not be the best thing in the long run...i am riding solo

wednesday night

i was driving last night at 9:02 and realized that it was wednesday and in 5 min i could be in the parking garage sitting on the bed of the old black truck waiting for you to turn off the elevator and lock the door and it took all my power not to drive over there to see you...wish we were still in eachother's lives because i just miss you

unique america

this is a school with the coolest roof...wish my elementary school had a metal, spiralesque roof back in the day....love old cars and i saw a few good ones on the trip...there are also some neat architecture i drove by and photographed...i like the sixes domes that cover the salt that is put out for the winter...why would you make a clock look like a crystalis? ...check out the top of that building and all the weird additions to the roof over the years and how awesome it all looks smashed together now...wonder what those three domes off in the distance are used for...the one dome that is being repaired makes me think of the duomo in italy that brunelleschi designed so many years ago ...plus who doesn't like a purple cow

barns and bridges across america

i photograph as much of my life and those i touch as i can or am allowed...depending upon who is there and so vacations afford me more opportunities to feed my habit, so to speak...and this vacation was no exception...i ended up taking about 1000 pictures over the 10 day vacation...so here are a few of the barns and bridges i passed or crossed on my 2500 mile trek across america...i love taking pictures of any and everything i see, especially places i have never been before...i love photographing art and architecture, and nature and people and textures and okay, just about everything i guess...hope you enjoy

what not to wear

this guy was at a rest stop...you just can't wear tube socks with sandals and his striped shirt from 1968 clung to all parts that you really didn't want to see...plus the man bag is in the way but, his shorty shorts were a bit scary too...i know i say i am too old to give a damn about what people think but, if i looked in the mirror in this outfit i would think i need to change my socks and lose a few before i wore this shirt again

as far as the bag goes...i saw this other traveler who had an 8 x 10 sized black leather messenger type bag that attached to his belt and hung down on the side of his leg...it was stylish and i know i haven't seen it in the states for sale...if anyone knows who sells a bag like that....let me know

Shared Journey Sandals

i got these great sandals made out of recycled tires from kenya...when you buy them it gives a pair of sandals to a maasi child and the money goes back to the artisans in the namayiana community...they are different and for a shoe lover...a great conversation piece...plus it's green and you are giving back

check out tenthousandvillages.com ... a fair trade company for this and many other great items...i love this store

The Script - The Man Who Can't Be Moved

i like the script and enjoy their songwriting abilities...love this song and i don't think that feelings like these are exclusive to men....i can relate to this on so many levels

lyrics...

Going Back to the corner where I first saw you

Gonna camp in my sleeping bag I'm not gonna move
Got some words on cardboard, got your picture in my hand
Saying, "If you see this girl can you tell her where I am?"

Some try to hand me money, they don't understand
I'm not broke I'm just a broken hearted man
I know it makes no sense but what else can I do
How can I move on when I'm still in love with you

'cause if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me
And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I could be
Thinkin maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet
And you'll see me waiting for you on our corner of the street
So I'm not moving, I'm not moving

Policeman says, "Son you can't stay here"
I said, "There's someone I'm waiting for if it's a day, a month, a year"
Gotta stand my ground even if it rains or snows
If she changes her mind this is the first place she will go

'cause If one day you wake up and find that you're missing me
And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I could be
Thinking maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet
And you'll see me waiting for you on our corner of the street
So I'm not moving, I'm not moving,
I'm not moving, I'm not moving

People talk about the guy that's waiting on a girl
There are no holes in his shoes but a big hole in his world

Maybe I'll get famous as the man who can't be moved
Maybe you wont mean to but you'll see me on the news
And you'll come running to the corner
'cause you'll know it's just for you
I'm the man who can't be moved

[Chorus 2x]
Going back to the corner where I first saw you
Gonna camp in my sleeping bag I'm not gonna move

24 hours until vacation time!!

i am trying to tie all my loose ends together...i have washed all the dishes, put them all away, taken out all the trash, straightened the house, i have map quested my route, plugged all my addresses into my gps, have a list of a few things left to do...note to self, don't forget your phone charger [cause that would suck], about to go online and stop my mail, packed clothes, shoes, entertainment items, my daughter's list of stuff, snacks and drinks....i believe i am ready to vacate...i love vacations but i can't go on vacation and leave a messy house...because that just means that you have to come back and instead of chillaxing when you get home you have to unpack and clean...not for me....i have 3gb of memory left on my camera and i am ready to roll...this will be my first vacation with my parents since forever ago...i am not exactly sure how this is gonna go...i don't like sharing driving and being on schedules when i am supposed to be relaxing...i like being able to wander if i see something interesting...hopefully it will be a good time...i will be sending postcards along the way

new art pieces

this piece to the left is called "searching for the unconscious"


i enjoy mixed media and collage and i have been trying this new technique for getting materials for my pieces and i have been trying to utilize all the materials and make as many pieces as i can until i have used up all the materials and then start the process again for another series of pieces...so far i have gotten 3 pieces with materials to start a 4th but not finish it so i am working on my next batch of raw materials

now the second piece below is called "layers of meaning" and it too is collage using this batch of new materials

my third piece is more of a sculptural piece as it is meant to be displayed back lit and hanging off the wall it is entitled "saved for a reason" 

i like them all but, so far the consensus is that number 3 is the favorite...not sure why...maybe it is the colors or the obscurity of the imagery, i am not sure...please let me know which one you like the best...or if you hate me or think of a suggestion to push my work further tell me too

fathers

being that it is fathers day today i thought i would honor this day with thoughts of my father...being a daddy's girl and all...i tried to call him this morning but, he didn't answer which sometimes means he just didn't get to it fast enough or even hear it...i will try again later

i have the best dad in the world and i am sure there are people who would try to argue or would at least feel the same way about their dad and i say cheers to them...having a good dad is really important, for example kids without dad are...

• 4.6 times more likely to commit suicide.
• 6.6 times more likely to become teenage mothers.
• 24.3 times more likely to run away.
• 15.3 times more likely to have behavioral disorders.
• 6.3 times more likely to be in a state-operated institution.
• 10.8 times more likely to commit rape.
• 6.6 times more likely to drop out of school.
• 15.3 times more likely to end up in prison while a teenager.

and there are plenty more statistics where this comes from...i am not trying to say that same-sex households don't support and nurture their children or that everybody from a divorced or fatherless situation is doomed to be a statistic but, i do believe that having that stable force in your life is important and made the difference for me

my dad would work hard and still have time for us kids [there were four of us]...he would take vacations to places he thought we would like to go...he taught us sports and hunting and fishing and would actually just listen when you wanted to talk about anything without being too judgemental at the get-go...i remember telling him i was pregnant and he told me that my life was over and that anything i had ever wanted to do or be or any place i had ever wanted to go i might as well just chalk it up because it wasn't going to happen...at first i thought that sounded bitter and like i had stopped his life and even a bit crazy...but, he's is an all or nothing kind of guy and what he really meant was you have to put your kids and their needs and wants first before your own and yours usually get shoved to the side while you are tending to theirs...this is something my ex-husband has never been able to understand...his kids will never come first, he does...which leaves me sad that i was a bad picker and my daughter will never have the father i have...luckily i know some really strong, stand-up men who i feel can take that place for her along the way when she needs it...all you ever want from your dad is his time and his unconditional love...and i know that i have that 100%

so, here's to all the great dads i know...and there are quite a few...happy father's day

origin of "it's raining cats and dogs" and other facts

this is copied and borrowed from http://library.thinkquest.org ...this is not mine...i have only borrowed it to answer my own question posed in my last post...check out the site, it has a ton of interesting facts about history...i just love hisory
Subject: Fun with history

The next time you wash your hands and complain that the water temperature isn't just the way you like it, think about the way things used to be...real honest to goodness facts about the 1500s:

Most people got married in June because they took their yearly bath in May and still smelled pretty good by June. However, they were starting to smell, so brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odor.

Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water. The man of the house had the privilege of the nice clean water, then all the other sons and men, then the women and finally the children -- last of all the babies. By then the water was so dirty you could actually lose someone in it-hence the saying, "Don't throw the baby out with the bath water."

Houses had thatched roofs -- thick straw -- piled high, with no wood supports underneath. It was the only place for animals to get warm, so all the dogs, cats and other small animals (mice, bugs) lived in the roof. When it rained it became slippery and sometimes the animals would slip and fall off the roof. Hence the saying "It's raining cats and dogs."

There was nothing to stop things from falling into the house. Which posed a real problem in the bedroom, where bugs and other droppings could really mess up your nice clean bed. Hence, a bed with tall posts and a sheet hung over the top afforded some protection. That's how Canopy Beds came into existence.
The floor was dirt. Only the wealthy had something other than dirt, like slate tiles that would get very slippery in the winter when wet, so they spread thresh (straw) on the floor to help keep their footing. As the winter wore on, they kept adding more thresh until when you opened the door it would all start slipping out. A piece of wood was placed in the entranceway to catch the thresh -- hence, a "thresh hold."

In those old days, they cooked in the kitchen with a big kettle that always hung over the fire. Every day they lit the fire and added things to the pot. They ate mostly vegetables and did not get much meat. They would eat the stew for dinner, leaving leftovers in the pot to get cold overnight and then start over the next day. Sometimes the stew had food in it that had been there for quite a while-hence the rhyme, "peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold, peas porridge in the pot nine days old."

Sometimes, they could obtain pork. This would make them feel quite special. When visitors came over, they would hang up their bacon to show off. It was a sign of wealth that a man "could bring home the bacon." They would cut off a little to share with guests and would all sit around and "chew the fat."
Those with money had plates made of pewter. Food with a high acid content caused some of the lead to leach onto the food, causing lead poisoning and death. This happened most often with tomatoes. So, for the next 400 years or so, tomatoes were considered poisonous.

Most people did not have pewter plates, but did have trenchers. They are a piece of wood, with the middle scooped out, to form a bowl. However, trenchers were often made from stale bread, which was so old and so hard, they could be used for quite some time. These trenchers were never washed and a lot of times worms and mold got into the wood and old bread. And after eating off these wormy, moldy, trenchers, people would get "trench mouth."

Bread was divided according to status. Workers got the burnt bottom of the loaf, the family got the middle, and guests got the top, which was called the "upper crust."

Lead cups were used to drink ale or whiskey. The combination would sometimes knock them out for a couple of days. Someone walking along the road would take them for dead and prepare them for burial. They were laid out on the kitchen table for a couple of days and the family would gather around and eat and drink and wait and see if they would wake up--hence the custom of holding a "wake!"

England is old and small and the local folks started running out of places,to bury people. So they would dig up coffins and would take the bones to a "bone-house" and reuse the grave. When reopening these coffins, 1 out of 25 coffins were found to have scratch marks on the inside and they realized they had been burying people alive. So they thought they would tie a string on the wrist of the corpse, lead it through the coffin and up through the ground, and tie it to a bell. Then someone would sit in the graveyard, all night long (on the " graveyard shift") and listen for the bell. Thus, the expression, he or she was "saved by the bell" or considered a "dead ringer."

And...whoever said, "History was boring?!"

you know that says and catch phrases come from somewhere and now we know where a bunch of phrases come from...i love learning things and that was great fun for me

i am a maker

it was raining cats and dogs this morning [and by the way, why do people actually say that...note to self check the origin of this phrase]...any way...so i decided it was a good day to work on some art and chill until the afternoon...i got three pieces of art 100% finished and i am stoked about this...they turned out like they were supposed to which is not always the case when it comes to art....sometimes it is so much better in my head but, then again so many things are better in your head or how you remember them or how you imagine them to be...memory, imagination, and fantasy are powerful forces...i was finishing the dark is rising series of books the other day and "silver on the tree" was the last book in the sequence and i found this quote "...fear if having done the wrong thing - fear that having done this one great thing, he would never again be able to accomplish anything of great worth - fear of age, of insufficiency, of unmet promise.  all such endless fears, that are the doom of people given the gift of making, and lie always somewhere in their minds." i was floored because i never could put that into words and i am not sure if subconsciously that is what stops you from putting yourself or your art out their because you are so afraid to fail or not fulfill the potential that someone has told that you have...that you would rather not and live with the what could have been instead of seeing what might be...when i am done with these series of art pieces...fail or no fail i feel like i need to get them out and see what everyone else thinks...no fear

best friend issues

my best always told me she was a selfish person and i would just listen and tell her to shut up because usually she was not and when it came to me she was always kind and giving and there for me...hell we have be friends for the past 25 years...thick and thin and high school and college and late nights and phone calls and girlfriends and bad relationships and everything else in between...our first fight was after we had been friends for five years and i had gotten into my first serious relationship and forgot about the bros before hoes mantra and was blowing her off and ignoring her and it hurt her feelings and i was oblivious and i tried to make sure that over the next bunch of relationships i entered into i would always remember my best friend and make time for her and make sure that she never felt like that again...so i feel like i have made that conscience effort...no questions asked...i wasn't going to make her feel like that again - period. now fast forward to three years ago...i had this huge night...and i mean huge...i had my art exhibited in a national gallery...up on the second floor and on the bottom floor were pieces by duchamp, ernst, stella, brancusi, calder, man ray...artist from the armory show of the early 1900's that changed contemporary art...imagine me sharing a gallery with these gods of art...i was on cloud 99...i had invited all my friends, professors were there and i was escorted by the super sexy man of my dreams and we were just having a great time...we had imbibed a few cocktails, had some great conversation and both being lovers of art we went through the armory exhibit together looking at art we had read about in books all our lives...and then we were going upstairs to see my pieces...perfection, as far as i was concerned...throw in fight number two with my best friend [i wasnt being reverent enough...adult enough...i.e. i was paying attention to my guy and not her and relishing the whole experience and she became a douche and left...she did not come and see my exhibit with me, meet my other friends, or my sweetie or anything...wow, i was floored...it was my night and i was gonna do it the way i wanted to do it-plain and simple...it was about me, not her]...luckily i was too tipsy and on a "love high" that night to give a shit what her problem was because i would have been really pissed if it ruined my night...so, we hatched that one out at a later date and now its 2010 and she has been dating this new chic for six months and i can count on one hand the number of times i have seen or heard from her [without me calling first]...i have been going through a foreclosure on my house, moving into storage and into a tiny apartment, watching my friends fade and move, losing my sweetie, bankruptcy, signing and finalizing my divorce...and everybody has just bailed including my best friend...i vowed not to call her since the last time we hung out when i told her i was angry with her ignoring me and she took me out to dinner and i guess thought that would fix it...throw some money at the problem....and i haven't called, emailed or texted her...i haven't heard anything for a month...i hope this girl is worth fucking up a 25 year friendship