the divorce is finally final

its official and i have the papers in my hands…as of friday, may 21, 2010 i am officially dee-vorced...legally single…and about to go back to my own name…whoot!!!! i can’t actually believe that it is really over…i have thought about this day for many years and maybe it is a bit anticlimactic but all-in-all it is a nice feeling to know that the chapter has officially ended and i am completely done with this thing they call marriage. sometimes i have to remind myself that out of my marriage came the kids and i wouldn’t trade them for the world so that was a positive but, except for the first year, my marriage pretty much blew…great big chunks!! then you wonder how come it took so long for it to end…we had our 11th anniversary last month…even though we have been separated for a year and a half and he lives with his new fiancée…and then i know that i stayed for my daughter [which has proved to be not so smart...but, i had such a good dad...i was hoping he'd step up for her] and because i was finishing my degree and he was a free babysitter…which is shitty to say but, lets be honest…our marriage ended when only one party was trying to make it work…you can’t have a one sided relationship and expect it to work…you can’t be a fraud and say you have similar interests when that’s a lie…you are only interested in getting in the sack and having someone pay your bills and cook you dinner…you can’t blame everyone else for your choices and your mistakes…you have to own them and then make different decisions the next time…ben franklin said that the definition of insanity was doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result…that pretty much sums up the ex along with a few other choice words like super selfish and having the ability to be who he thinks you want him to be until he’s got you married to him and then he becomes his true self…which come to think of it, i am not sure he really knows who he is…he just becomes a chameleon for whoever is tying to get with…well i can’t live like that….i may have pet peeves and character idiosyncrasies that everyone may not appreciate…but, i do know myself and i have to be me…like or don’t…i can’t say i lose much sleep over the one’s that don’t…i just don’t waste my time trying to get to know them…saves us both time and effort into something that will not go anywhere anyway. pragmatic am i.




so, now the question arises…do i have the desire to date again? i have super mixed feelings on this subject…i’ll sleep on it and write more later…