seriously...is it me?

have you ever had a friend just completely let you down…i mean after being friends for so long…25 years long…and she just doesn’t get it…i mean her head is so far up someone else’s ass that she honestly can’t see how selfish she is being and how much it hurts your feelings that she doesn’t come and hang out with you any more…i understand when you just start going out with someone you usually want to spend all your free time with them but, when i did this years ago we got into a huge fight and i didn’t realize what a jerk i was being so, i made a conscience effort from that point forward to always make sure that i didn’t ever do that again and that i made time for her…the ”bros before hoes” sentiment…why doesn’t that apply here? why the double standard? i am so not a “do as i say, not as i do” type of person…because that shit does not fly with me…but, when i try to broach the subject she plays dumb and doesn’t get why i am angry…really, really...there is no way she doesn’t see where i am coming from…and how do you tell her that you really, really don’t want to see her and the new girlfriend make out and talk about sex…ewwwwww!!! i love her to death and would do anything for her but i don’t need this to become another one-sided friendship…i have too many of these…

it is amazing to me how many people have come into and walked out of my life over the past four decades…some of it is expected…geographical friends…whether it’s work or school…acquaintance friends…ex’s…friends of ex’s…friends you lose to either you moving or their moving…or people that you realize later were there for a specific reason and those moments and reasons have passed and so have those people…but, then you are settled and you get this core of friends or at least you think you do and then they start dropping like flies…wow, it is amazing to me how few i have left…i have always known a lot of people and partied, hung out with and chilled with many, many people but, when it comes to true friends…the ones you actually let into the places of your heart and mind that are the true you…now, those are way fewer and quality over quantity has always been my motto…any yet they seem to be going by the wayside too…my dad always says that you can only count on your family and although that is true i have also usually been able to count on my true friends…but, these days that circle of real friends is just getting smaller and smaller until i fear that i will be occupying that area by myself…the worst part is that these friends have been the ones that have helped me over the hump, so to speak…i am definitely not a therapy kind of girl so, my friends are my sounding boards and advice givers…they are important to me and it seems that this is not as reciprocal as i once thought it was and i don’t like watching them walk away…because then it makes you wonder if it was me that drove them away…